POOR POOR ME!

For those who know me, know that I either have a wall up and don't let people in or the wall is down and I expose everything. Jared tells me that my wall is up way to much! So i started my new job last Tuesday. I was excited and had the first day butterflies at the same time. Of coarse I was a little overwhelmed by all the different things they do, but still it was ok. Then I asked her the days that your are scheduled to be on-call do you always go in and she said YES. After she said this I had to do everything in my power not to start crying. I don't want to work full time as it is but to work (7) 12 hours shifts in a pay period is asking way to much of me and work is 5-5 that is such a crappy time to go to work. (I know i am way to selfish and maybe this is my punishment until I learn to give more.) So when my shift is over I go get in my car I call Jared and tell him I hate it and the flood gates open, I cried the the whole way home, not just little tears but BIG crocodile tears. I even passed up going to a free dinner at Chili's with my sister. So since that day my motivation is at 0, I can't get in the ' go and get it done groove.' I am sure like most things this will pass and I will be fine. Thaks for letting me get this off my chest, I feel better already!!